To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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