Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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