party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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