Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
