the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
