I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
