I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
