Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
