Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
