life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
