I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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