He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He passed out mid-signature
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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