There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she told me i tasted like america
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I think your dad took our porno
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
