Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
