just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
