My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
