yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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