i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
