And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
