I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
