Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
