Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
