you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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