i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
