every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
All I want is dick and wine.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
