apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
