Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
