in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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