if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
