You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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