So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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