fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
