and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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