Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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