if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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