do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
