i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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