she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
