I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
