How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
