"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
