CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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