i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
