Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
