Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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