she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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