dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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