Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
