Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
