Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
