This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
