Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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