okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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