I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
